2017 – Plans, Hopes and Wishes
It’s been a while, eh? I hope that you, my trusty reader, have had great holidays and a good start into 2017. So, as you most likely observed, I never really got around to post lots of stuff on here. Well, anything, really.
I’m sorry for that. 2016 wasn’t exactly my favourite year. I don’t know if I can promise 2017 will be any better, but I will do my darndest to make it so.
So, what’s been going on Dom? Where’s all the rad stuff?
That’s an easy one to explain, actually. Well, kinda. Probably. I spend everything past, let’s say roughly around, easter with some personal demons. I’m actually still dealing with those, but I figured I couldn’t sit around much longer as that would’ve driven me insane on its own. As for what has been up (and still is to some extend) is that I’ve had, from one day to the next, fallen into a deep, dark pit for reasons I still can’t discern. Coming from a family where the Motto is “Nah, I don’t need any help.” you probably can about imagine whether I tried to talk to anybody about what was going on at the time.
To add on that, my old man and I really got at each others throat a bunch for reasons so stupid most the time that I’ll go into them much but let’s just say I did not get even the slightest bit of a concerned reaction when I finally told him about what was going on and the fact I pretty much managed to pretty much successfully fail my degreee because of, well, being pretty much in a mindset of “It’s not like any of this shit matters anyway. I’ll just slowly rot away.” which threw me back down into that pit at a point I was sure I was on a good way to get out of it, especially with finally mustering up the courage to come clean with someone I trust(ed).
So, what did I do? I played games, using them for the IMHO best purpose people create games for: Escapism. I pretty much played 24/7, to just not think about the stuff I was in. In Retrospect, not the best choice I could’ve made but definitely the easiest thing. If we’d have shit like Sword Art Online’s Fulldive VR, you can bet your grandma, I’d have not come out of that for anything other than sustenance.
I let my programming lapse. A lot. I just wasn’t feeling trying to build my own games. My mindset just wasn’t there. And the stuff I did end up coding was mediocre at best and pretty much everything I touched in 2016 is shelved by now, because I just couldn’t commit to getting off my ass and actually doing something productive instead of glooming and consuming.
When Gamescom rolled around, I tried to get out of the gloom again, even just a bit would be enough, to get this thing up (and somewhat running), get some Business cards and at least a little grip on myself. During Gamescom, I got to know some awesome people like Ditto, the mastermind behind GoNNER and met people I’ve had to do with for a while like my good bud HeyDmart, among a ton of other people. And I’d love to thank every single one of ’em because whether they know it or not, they kinda helped me set my mind a little straighter again, as did countless folks I regularly troll on the Twitters, you guys know who you are. Let me just say that after the whole Gamescom thing, I started having the occasional smile and hearthy chuckle that wasn’t a complete fake.
Streaming didn’t go quite as well. Me being the On-Off guy I am, especially with all the shit I had in my head was coming back to streaming to empty rooms. And in my mindset I decided to “cut out the cancer” that was causing me to doubt myself, and so I stopped streaming again which, in hindsight was one of the dumbest things I could’ve done, I think. But then again, hindsight’s 20:20. Cut to mid-december. I decided I’ve had enough and that like 8-9 months of being all gloomy and shit are enough and that I couldn’t go into 2017 with that mindset. And well, now we’re here. I still don’t know what I actually want to achieve in the end but I think that the goal isn’t important here, anyways.
So here’s the Plan(-ish):
While I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions, I kinda decided to put “Getting back to normal” as mine, as that is my one and only goal right now. But that doesn’t just include getting my head straight again and finally pulling myself out of the miserable little pit, it also includes finally getting off my ass and doing the things I actually wanted to do last year / in general.
I want to get back into streaming. Pretty simple. Get back into the whole streaming thing. Push through the empty rooms and build a small community and make a bunch of buds all over the world in the process. I have no intention to make this anything more than a hobby sort of thing. I want to stream for fun, not to make a living, there’s people way better suited for that.
I want to release / finish at least one game in 2017. No matter how small or shitty it ends up being. Hell, I had a ton of fun making You Are The King! for LD whatevernumberitwas in Winter ’15. That game, despite being so unrefined in retrospect, is something I am incredibly proud of, because I showed myself that I could actually make and finish a game. Over the course of a weekend (and a couple more weeks for additional stuff afterwards) no less! By Christmas I want to have at least one game I’d consider at least V1.0 on itch.io, simple as that. I don’t care for how grande of a game it ends up being, it just has to tick the “I’m a complete experience” box.
I want to do more with the website / blog. Seriously. I’m paying for the webspace and domains so why not actually use them properly instead of as glorified Gmail account? What do I have in mind, you ask? Well, this part actually depends on the others somewhat. I want to get back into streaming. You know I love me Indie games. Supplementing the stream with Reviews and thoughts on games is one thing I’m looking into. Maybe even providing Reviews to stuff I don’t end up playing on Stream (much). Maybe even bite the bullet and do some Youtube stuff, as in Video reviews, in addition to the written stuff. With the whole Gamedev stuff, I’m thinking Devblogs, maybe a post or two about that “awesome and easy way to do X” that I thought was secret knowledge but actually has everybody do that thing all the time. Maybe some rant every now and then, I dunno.
Dom, what about Gamescom? You gonna be there? This is the point where I’ll have to confess that I actually don’t know. Since I’m not in Uni anymore, and small Content Creators such as myself aren’t guaranteed Trade Visitor badges, I currently have no easy way to get one that I know of. Not being able to actually network with the “important” guys that are not on the floor (all the time) would, in my humble opinion, be not useful at all, if not detrimental, so I want to make sure I actually can get a Trade Visitor Badge. I actually think I might look into starting my own little company. That in turn requires money I currently don’t have too much of, so I’ll have to find a job and make some money I guess. And then try my darndest to not burn out trying to maintain everything lest I want to repeat 2016, Fun times!
And eventually, I want to give the whole Uni thing another try, seeing as that stupid piece of paper saying I know how to make Computer Games is quite important in the end. But I’ll be honest and say I’d likely be shooting for spring ’18 for that because 2017 really is the time I’ll give myself to get back into a properly functioning human being.
Again, a big Thank You to everybody who’s put up with me and helped, no matter whether knowingly or not. I do not know where I’d be if it wasn’t for my good buds from all over the world (Yes, you too!), so here’s to a 2017 that’ll make us forget 2016!